I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
