Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Randomize
