Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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