I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
