we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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