So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
