screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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