I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
