wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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