i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
