I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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