I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
