We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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