im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
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I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
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If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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