How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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