apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize