The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
