Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
