i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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