So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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