I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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