A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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