I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
