i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
