Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
