If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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