You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The power of my boobs compel you
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
