White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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