You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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