can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
