tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
