Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
