why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
