New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
