The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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