guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
