Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
