Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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