peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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