I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
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he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
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Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
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