its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
