I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
