Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
