I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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