hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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