I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
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The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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