If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
