can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
