Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
