I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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