Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
