Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
