Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
whose parrot is this?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
