I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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