I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
