hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she looked like the before picture.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
