just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
