Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
