Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
