I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
