he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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