I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
