So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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