i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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