I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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