She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
