There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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