Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
