In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
