Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
