i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
